Are You a Pretzel?

A complete stranger is practically lying in my lap. My feet are suspended over his or her head. After all, where else am I going to put them? I’ve got earplugs in my ears, an eye mask over my eyes and yet sleep completely alludes me. I call out, “anyone have a Xanax”? About 55 nervous looking types are responding all at once, how many do you need? I only want to sleep through this flight not through my life!

With all the brilliance of air travel, we can actually be half way across the world in no time, still they haven’t figured out how to make it more comfortable. Or could they? The luggage has more space than the passengers. I guess it must be all about getting people to pay for first class. That’s probably how they keep prices down for everyone else and therefore I get it. But still is there no other solution?

I’ve been tempted to pack myself in a ski bag. Though I hear it’s freezing in the cargo. But it would be fine, I’d just wear more layers and pack less. And think of the advantages.  It gives you full length to spread out. You get carried everywhere. You’re already positioned for a nap. At the end of the flight you get driven right to baggage pick up, no schlepping through the airport.  And you get a free ride on a carousel till your family comes to pick you up.

Of course a family might look funny toting a couple of ski bags to Miami or the Caribbean. But it could come in handy if you want to bring along some golf clubs or a fishing rod. Though you need to stand clear of the driver or the fish hook. And the ski outfit, you emerge in, may take a little explaining.

So let’s think what are they giving you in first class to justify the price differential?  1. Space. They say air is free. Well, not on a plane. You pay for every extra bit of breathing room. 2. A wet hot shmata. They are really stretching there, looking for something to make you feel luxurious. No one knows what to do with it, first it’s too hot to touch and then it gets cold in a second. But, no one refuses it cause they paid heavily for it and they’re going to get their monies worth. 3. A meal!!! Wow- Now this is certainly worth an arm and a leg. 4. A better bathroom ratio- you can never knock that. 5.  And then the coveted real reward, the ability to lie down. That’s really what first class is all about. Oh yeah and free liquor!!  Now there’s the mistake the airlines make.

The free liquor should go to coach. That way no one would remember how miserably they slept. Or then again even if they couldn’t sleep they’d be feeling happy anyway. That I think could be the solution to the dilemma of how to keep people from feeling miserable, folded up and bent in half, trying to find a place for their excess carry on, their body!

Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004<

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