We’ve got an 11th grader.
For some of you that may seem like years and years away. For others, that may seem like years away, as well! But rather, meaning years ago! But for us, right now, that’s our youngest.
And thus, you can imagine, that a lot of emotions could be starting to come up for us. Not for me, of course, I am more the type who lives in the present – or more likely, in total denial! However, for my husband, he is already projecting how much he will miss her when she leaves the house.
So, he calls me up the other week with a brilliant idea. Spiders, he says! Let’s manufacture fake spiders. What is he going for, I’m thinking? Well he tells me, this morning our daughter really needed him again, because, there was a spider in her room. He said that she came looking for him with enthusiasm and great desperation, and asked him to come and kill the spider in her room. The moment, he said, was golden. Being a needed daddy again felt great.
She’s begun to think more independently and to assure us that she can handle quite a bit on her own. She’s even able to get places without us. Might I say, with mixed emotions, thank you Drivers Ed!!!! Therefore, having this moment, when our child was totally and passionately looking for her daddy, meant the world to him!
Oh and of course this has sparked our new favorite family zemer, “an intsy beentsy spider went up the bedroom wall….”
Getting fired from a job never feels good. And yet, when your kids begin to achieve independence, somehow it seems you are being let go. Even if you did an outstanding job, the inevitable occurs. Because you are just not needed for the same things anymore.
So how do you cope? What’s the secret? Especially, because if they don’t fire you, that’s an even a bigger problem! You start to panic. They are too dependent. They are not moving on with their lives….
It’s kind of what I’d like to call an emotional enigma. Either way it’s got you experiencing heightened and unstable feelings.
So, I want to share with you what I’ve learned. A spider has many legs to stand on. And, so does a parent. Early on we may need to use the strong nurturing ones. Then we may hop to the patient supportive ones. And ultimately to the encouraging, “I’m here if you need me ones”! And even when we feel completely knocked off balance for a while, kids come back to access some other legs we have to stand on.
And guess what -you do get hired back again and again in these new roles. Sometimes it’s for a little advice. Sometimes as a listening ear. Sometimes as a babysitter. But, they never lose sight that you have the capacity to save the day. Just as my husband did for my daughter by eradicating the spider. So, don’t you lose sight of that either. Your job is well protected. There’s no one like a mom and a dad.
I hope this insight helps you, my hubby, and anyone feeling a little of what he’s feeling . And guess what, in the meantime, I’m glad to have you watching out for the creepy crawlers in my life!!! Glad to have you be my super hero Spider-Man!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com<mailto:rivki@rosenwalds.com