Stick With the Plan
Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., LMFT, CLC, SDS
So, person A says to person B – “Here’s the plan – if I don’t introduce you when I’m speaking to people, please ask who they are”!
A asks later – “What happened to you? I didn’t introduce you and you forgot to ask who they are”?
B responds- “I didn’t actually forget to ask; you just didn’t seem that interested in talking to them”.
A shoots back – “I just didn’t seem that interested in talking to them because I had no idea what their names were. If you had done your job, I’d have felt more comfortable talking to them!
B – “SO now you’re saying it’s my fault you don’t remember who people are?”
A- No of course not. I’m just asking you to be up on THE PLAN! If I talk to people and I don’t introduce you, just ask them their names?!
After all, do you think I want you standing there awkwardly not feeling important enough for me to introduce. But I can’t tell them your name when I can’t remember theirs!
Does this sound like a familiar scenario to you?!
Sometimes we know people way too long to let them know we don’t know them! We never quite recorded their names to memory. And once we pass a certain amount of time we feel too familiar to let them know we have no idea who they are!
We get stuck in the- I know everything about you but I’m clueless as to what they call you.
We know things like that they are recently divorced, even heard about some nasty stuff their mate was saying about them. But I’m totally lost as to what in the world their name is.
This is certainly not the time to say- I’m so sorry about your situation …and by the way What’s your name again?
Therefore, we hope that anyone standing with us is wise to “THE PLAN” …. (If there’s no introduction within the first few sentences just pop in there and say what is/ are your name/ names again?)
Why our brains don’t record their names is a real question? Maybe cause names don’t have any real association with who they really are.
The Native American Indians had the right idea! Big man with little fishing pole. Smart woman with giant running feet. The names gave a lot of information. Why would you ever forget them.
Chloe, Rivi, Ruvei, Basi. What do any of these names convey?
Yet, change it to – pretty girl who makes delicious apple pies or young man with great tech ability…. Now there are names well worth remembering.
The only way I ever really remember names, easily, is if I keep asking them to remind me of their names throughout the first time we meet. But, by that time I’ve seemed so thick they probably don’t want to remember me!
Names are our best way of identifying people but really, if we remember someone and not their name would it be so bad to ask- remind me your name again?
The answer, unfortunately, is that most of the time it would be.
So, try to have someone with you as often as possible who knows THE PLAN and does actually remember to use it.
Otherwise, it’s back to trying to make the quick getaway before you have to make an introduction and embarrass yourself and the person you’re speaking to as well.
A goes on- “Next time just ask who they are if I don’t introduce you. Don’t get lost in an analysis of why I didn’t introduce you.
Rivki Rosenwald is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working with both couples and individuals.
She is a Certified Relationship Counselor. She is a Co-Founder & Creator of an effective Parent Management of Adolescent Years Program. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivkirosenwald@gmail.com
