TEACHERS PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN
By: Suri Davis
I went to a park recently where there were nursery/kindergarten children from a school with their teachers. There were many exciting swings and obstacle courses with which the children could play, except for one thing.
The teachers were armed. Armed with what, you might ask? Armed with their smartphones. In the half hour I watched, few of the children actually got to play on the fun activities, because they were too busy posing at the foot of the obstacle course, in the middle of the obstacle course and at the top of the obstacle course, until the fourth picture, the finale.
This was done child by child so there were plenty of pictures to send to mom and dad as they went about their day.
DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? Not one child got free play because they were posing for mom and dad showing how much fun they were having at a park at which they were not playing THEY WERE POSING AS IF THEY WERE PLAYING.
It reminded me of my recent visit to the bowling alley with my son. We were sharing a lane with a woman and her four children who were all perfectly matched with the perfect kippahs and head bows. Both our families had an hour to bowl. My son and I played several games, the other family didn’t get through one.
WHY? Because every step of the way they were taking pictures of bowling, retaking shots of bowling, BUT NOT ACTUALLY BOWLING because their time was up, and they were too busy posing for the perfect Instagram shot.
Why is there so much anxiety in parents and children, when we are connected as never before? We should, I suppose, feel the comfort and reassurance of the ability to reach out to each other and be there for each other like never before, yet quite the opposite is true.
Why the need to feel connected all day, every day. One reason might be that we have heard stories about children abductions and abuses, and that scares us to our core, even if they are rare.
In my generation, as young parents, we learned of separation anxiety as we brought our youngsters to their first day of nursery and kindergarten. After teaching our children not to talk to, or go with strangers, it is hard to then explain to our children how their teachers, who are strangers to them, are okay. Furthermore, we speak with our children how even teachers cannot touch them inappropriately, which brings some mistrust into a teacher situation as well. Is this stranger/teacher safe and trustworthy, or not? It is difficult for any child to balance.
On the parent side, while parents are getting children pumped up to start school, there is also an ambivalence in parents in letting go to a unknown teacher, in transferring their child, for whom they have been primarily responsible in utero and for their young lifetimes. Will the teacher and child do well together. Will the child feel comfortable asking for help. Will his/her needs be met in the same way the parent addressed the need, or in a sufficiently competent manner. Will the child feel abandoned and will the child adjust easily.
All valid questions, all part of the discomfort of growth and transitioning to new situations in life. Presumably the school children are in a safe environment in a reputable school, with experienced teachers. They might be there with a friend or make new friends, but all of this is part of growth and development.
Good old-fashioned coping and self-soothing skills.
Additionally, before smartphones in schools, parents went about their day, whether it was work or some other activities. They might be concerned the first day or two whether the child was adjusting, but then, at the end of the day, when the child was picked up, the parent could see that the child was happy or unhappy, and if unhappy, determine how best to proceed. Again, in any new situation, from home to school or camp, from grade to grade to grade, there were/are adjustments.
As the child grew, there were greater expectations that the child could resolve issues on his own, whether it was a teacher who was challenging, or a classmate that was challenging, we as parents thought it best that the child learn how to communicate and resolve it on his own.
I have seen parents eating lunch in Cedarhurst showing each other the newest pictures coming through their phones throughout lunch from the teachers. The teachers have gone from teaching to marketing each child to his/her parent for the daily Instagram feeds.
Parents, stop helicoptering!!! Get a life!!! Teachers and administration, stand up to this unhealthy behavior, and tell parents that they will get their class pictures at the end of the year, and fartik. Let the kids have fun instead of posing as if they are having fun.
Believe me when I tell you, that the children I saw in the park, were desperate to actually go on the slide than pose four times going up and down the slide. The teachers don’t have time to teach because they are so busy posing each child in a way to please his/her parents that they are having a GREAT day, when they are having great poses.
Same is true in sleep away camp and even in gap years at Yeshivas in Israel!!!! Yeah, sure, I’d like it more if my 19 year old sent me ANY pictures of his doing something interesting in yeshiva, but, hey, he is there to learn, so will he take a picture of his sefer? Several years ago, this same child asked me, if I was happy, I said sure. He said you don’t look happy. I asked him what happy looked like and he showed me social media pictures. I was deeply saddened. His definition of happiness was based on posed glam pics on social media, and if we don’t all pose all the time, and paste a huge smile on our faces, I suppose we cannot possibly be happy.
When the cameras are off and life is real, there is a sense of doom perhaps because people no longer know what its like to be internally happy, happy that has nothing to do and is independent of cameras, smiles and perfection. Life is dull without the lights camera action. We have offloaded our minds to our smartphones, we have abdicated internal happiness to the last social media post. Parents, get real.
TEACHERS, PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS!