What’s the secret to living the happiest, most fulfilling life?

Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been searching for the answer to this question: what makes people flourish? Who are the happiest people out there? They began with 724 participants. Boys from every background, every type of home and education. They followed through with the spouses and descendants of these original men. (The study has just been published as a book, ‘The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness”).

What’s the connection between relationships, health and happiness?

Loneliness Affects the Body

Loneliness is toxic. People who feel lonely are more sensitive to pain, suppress their immune system, have diminished brain function, do not sleep well, and raise their odds of death by 26%. Young adults who are feeling lonely are unable to cope well with stress, don’t do as well academically, and are more likely to face mental health issues.

Just this week I had a conversation with a woman who lives alone, she is hardly in touch with her children and is divorced. Somehow she has also lost touch with her friends. “Nighttime is the worst” she said. “I find the silence excruciating. I try to fill the space with noise but the silence is overpowering. It makes me feel sick inside.”

Quality of Relationships Affects Everything

Having peace with others gives us inner peace. Healthy relationships are our emotional oxygen, allowing us to live well. It is not just about physical fitness and joining the gym or going for a 5-mile run. We must think about our social fitness and how we relate to others in our life.

How to Better Your Relationships and Live Happier Lives

1. Self-reflection

Take a step back and contemplate the quality of relationships in your life. Is there a person you’ve lost touch with whom you care about? Have you taken someone for granted, thinking that they’ll always be there for you?

Relationships can be neglected like the plant you keep on the windowsill. You water it haphazardly, whenever you remember. You remember how there used to be beautiful blooms, colorful, filled with life. Now, the leaves are yellowed and shriveling. The flowers are withering. Suddenly you realize that you’ve been careless and you are losing the plant and all its vivid buds.

Friendships and relationships require time and nurturing. A generous spirit. Patience. A listening ear. Empathy. Smiles. A non-judgmental heart.

Ask yourself: Have I disregarded, been insensitive, or unthinking?

2. Take action

Decide that you would like to do things differently. You want to create a treasure chest of relationships. Friendships and connections with others are brilliant gems that brighten our lives. Reach out now. Make the call, plan a lunch, or decide when to meet for a walk or coffee with the person you’d like to strengthen connections with. Invest your time.

Get off your device. So you’ll watch less Netflix or be less on social media. Put meaningful conversations and time with people who can enrich your life above social media. Prioritize the people in your life. You will be gaining joy, spirit and happiness. You will feel stronger, more vibrant, and buffered in a most difficult world.

3. Create rituals

Once you have decided to renew your relationships, it is important to think about how to make these connections last. It can be a weekly supper that you and your spouse do not miss, a monthly lunch that you have with your child/parents, a weekly Sunday night zoom call, a Friday morning walk and talk with someone who has been missing from your daily life, a monthly Shabbat meal with extended family or friends… you decide.

But make it into a regular custom so that you know that you have given time to those whom you value and cherish.

When God created Adam, He said “It is not good for man to live alone.” The greatest source of happiness and health are in your hands. Just open your eyes and hearts and allow others to enter.