The sandwich generation. Ever heard of it? It’s the generation with responsibilities in both directions. The people who have children, and parents, that they often need to help out. In fact, some have grandchildren and grandparents to help out. It can be very challenging. And I say — keep those blessings coming!!
People are, thank Gd, living longer. And this is providing us with people that we love remaining in our lives longer. What a gift!
So, where’s the challenge? One challenge is time management. It is always a difficult task. And in this case, where you want to give time to everyone, it gets pretty sticky.
Yet, we ask for it. We, in fact, pursue it. From the second our children hit marriageable age, we are hoping they meet someone to love and be with. Then, the second they get married we’re already looking at their stomachs. Him- to see if she’s a good cook. But her- to see if we are becoming grandparents.
And then once they do accommodate us, we are already asking – Doesn’t he or she need a playmate?
And think about it in the other direction. Aren’t we always hoping our parents will live long, fulfilling lives. Aren’t we always hoping we can show them more nachas, and share our continued accomplishments with them?
So, what’s the challenge, beside time management, that we are up against? Health! Think about it… If everyone’s healthy we could just throw everyone in one giant car (picture the clowns stuffed into the Volkswagen) and get everyone to hang out together.
Therefore, what we need to do is keep praying for the health of all our loved ones. That’s the key. If everyone has that blessing the sandwich is much easier to keep chewing on.
However, how do we manage when that isn’t quite the case. There’s the biggest challenge. Then we go with asking for and cultivating a healthy outlook. Focusing on what is good in each situation. If we don’t do this we feel pulled and torn in every direction. We feel responsible for everything, and unsuccessful at all.
There’s where one needs to stop and introduce their paradigm shift. A sandwich, by definition, has two sides. And it’s the stuff in the center that is connected to both ends. If we pull the two ends off we recognize that the center cannot be connected to both at the same time, there is no possible way.
Sure, ideally you want to keep all your loved ones in one giant house. That would certainly simplify everything. But if you can’t, then the way to simplify is give yourself 2 things: credit, and a break!
A break if you feel like you’re not succeeding the way you’d like.
And credit for trying!
That’s it. Because the answer to it all working anyway, is you staying healthy. No, not just physically but mentally. Beating yourself up, or feeling you just can’t do it all, is not constructive. I’ll tell you right now- no one can do it all, whatever all is, if it entails doing two divergent things at the same time.
You may not be able to get everyone in sync, or be able to see the grandkids and your parents at the same time, or balance your job and your kids and your other responsibilities on top of that, as well. But, where everything does need to be synchronized and balanced is in your head.
So, look at your 2 slices of bread, or 2 on each end if you are so blessed, and remember you can’t always keep it all together. There’s usually just one you in the middle, unless you can get a little help from your cucumber or tomatoes.
And try to give yourself that pep talk:
I can’t be everywhere, sometimes I can’t even be where my first choice pulls me.
Yet, – I can be proud of my efforts and recognize my blessings…. which are the delicious ingredients of the sandwiches in my life!!!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com