Can We Get It?
Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., CLC, SDS
Some things just seem like an oxymoron.
Simple problem- If it’s a problem it just ain’t simple!
Easy diet – need I even explain?
Melted ice- really doesn’t ice mean it’s hard
Long wait – when does a wait ever feel short?
Great first date – Doesn’t that mean it just wasn’t as bad as most of your other first dates?
Sturdy house – seriously, are the others falling down?
Psychologically prepared- does this mean that the other times that you are prepared, your brain is not aware of it?
Mini van – don’t we get the van for more space?
Really honest- can you be fake–ly honest?
What I’m saying is that sometimes when we actually focus on what we say, it kind of seems the words are contradicting each other.
Here are some more well-known oxymorons:
Act naturally
Bitter sweet
Deafening silence
Why is it we need to use ideas that almost contradict each otherto express an idea better than using the idea itself?
Well let’s look at this one:
I cried with joy.
Don’t we usually cry from sadness or laugh from Joy? What’s going on when we say I cried with joy?
Could it be that countering the idea intensifies or clarifies it for others?
Where might we see that playing out in life?
Let’s take an example like – active listening.
Listening-seems to take no energy exertion whatsoever. We do not have to open our mouths, move our limbs, or do anything physical at all that makes us active in order to listen.
Therefore, what in the world does it mean when we say the word “active listening”. Hopefully, it wakes us up. We start to think what must be active here, if listening is passive?! The seemingcontrast is what makes us check in more!
Maybe, in fact, ‘contradictory seeming statements’ help make us more active listeners?
Let’s dig into the example:
Someone saying – “I’m happy to help”, sounds light and easy. And you appreciate it. While, someone saying “I’m Willing to help” makes us much less happy with them, because it sounds a lot less enthusiastic.
If we could actively listen to the contradiction, then we can get an insight into how the other person is feeling. And maybe that will help us to know what the other person is going through and not just how we ourselves feel.
“Help” seems kind of voluntary. That is to say, like it’s one person’s primary responsibility and the helper can choose to be involved or not. Therefore, if someone’s only willing to help they are already conveying that they are having a hard time just volunteering. Still, we see that they are going against an instinct and pushing themselves. When we see their statement in that contradictory light, we can certainly appreciate them more.
So maybe we can up our game a bit. And tune into what might be a possibly contradictory statement, so we can get the full power of someone’s communication and eke out that extra information they are sending us.
That way maybe we will understand others better and we won’t show up, at times, feeling like, (excuse the joke), such an oxymoron, just for not getting the big picture!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com
