CHOCHMAS NASHIM: HAGADAH
By: Suri Davis
In these days of quarantine, there is an issue circulating as to whether certain Orthodox Jews could Zoom conference a seder with others. I thought it was sensitive of a group of Rabbis in Israel to at least address the issue in an attempt to acknowledge and address this situation, which may be a medical hardship for certain individuals.
In response, there was a story circulating with regard to the Lubavitch Rebbe, who, after his wife passed away, opted to celebrate the seder on his own. This was to be a comfort for those who also have to celebrate alone as well.
It got me thinking about the commandment of the seder in the Torah, V’higadatah l’vinchah/and you should tell (the story of the exodus) to your son. The Rebbe never had children. He and his wife would sit together at the seder, but no children.
Further, why was the recitation of the hagadah and the seder geared towards children and particularly in parent/child format. The four questions of a child and the answer, the dipping of food to incite a child to inquire as to why we were eating in a different way. Hiding of the afikomen and the search.
And who are the four sons, and where are they, if not at the table? I pondered this and came up with two possibilities which are discussed by no one I could find. It could be that the four personalities, are people we interact with in daily life, some we find wise, some we might find wicked, some take a simplistic view and others don’t even know where to start to ask.
We interact with all kinds of people, and may be intolerant of those who differ or who are not as smart as we, and we have no patience for them, we are dismissive and judgmental. The father/son format then is a reminder that this person is someone’s son, and what if he were our son, wouldn’t we want people to be kind and accepting of him. Yes even the wise man can sometimes be a nerd and not socially savvy, and he requires acceptance and patience as well, like that we would give our own children.
Thinking further, maybe all four children are at the table, and maybe the hagadah is exactly for them. Each of us has the four children inside of us at different times or concurrently at times. When we are interested in learning or doing something, we are like the wise experienced man, who feels confident and capable. I hate to say this, but yes, we all have the ability to be evil and do evil. At other times we are simpleminded, bored and disinterested and indifferent to a commandment, a chance to do a mitzvah, an opportunity to be happy for someone’s simchah or be Menachem avel, and we have to overcome that laconic feeling. Lastly, there is vulnerability in the form of not knowing something to a degree to which you can’t even ask a question with regard to the topic. Like a very young child new to a subject. If the parent/teacher/employer/friend is not welcoming and forthcoming, he she risks alienating the child and turning him off the subject or activity. This is particularly so when it comes to bringing not yet focused Jews closer to G-d.
So just maybe, when the Rebbe sat at his table he pondered the different kind of people in the world to whom he wanted to reach out, and how to welcome and accept all kinds of people. Maybe all four sons were inside of him at the seder, and he wondered how he could enhance some of the internal sons, while tempering the other sons to better serve HKBH.
Finally, the Rebbe has spoken about a fifth son, the son who never even comes to the table. He has either never been exposed to Judaism sufficiently to know that there is a seder on that day, that he belongs at a seder or what a seder has to do with him. Or RL, he is a Jew who has been alienated from Judaism and has rejected the concept of the Pesach seder. Maybe this Jew still feels in bondage to the modern world. Maybe he felt bondage to the rules as others applied it to him. Maybe he was a Jew who was rejected by his fellow Jews because he was a Tam or a Sheayno Yodeah Lishol/a simpleton who was not engaged in Judaism or didn’t have sufficient knowledge to ask questions at the seder and been engaged in the celebration. There are missing sons this year at our seder, involuntarily so because of the Coronavirus. Some are ill, and we wish them a refuah shlaimah. Some are with their own immediate family, a temporary budding off of the branch, with an opportunity to literally branch out, some have recently passed away from the virus, and for the first time, their seats will be empty, how we share your pain and hope G-d comforts you, and there are others who will have no one physical at their seder. Remember that although we do not have the ushpizin at the seder as we do in our sukkah, we all have a common guest, Elijah the prophet.
Whether we look outward and see others we have to bring closer, or whether we have to look inward at our internal sons and how they engage Judaism, the benefit the Rebbe and others like him who celebrate alone, I suppose, is that we have no other physical beings at the table to crowd out and shout out over these four-son paradigms, and being alone, or with smaller groups, gives us an opportunity to address these other sons, get to know them better and engage them more meaningfully this year. Let us daven/pray that when Elijah the prophet visits each of our homes, that he heralds the coming of the Messiah speedily in our days.
Chag kasher v’sameach.
Zissen Pesach
Lshanah habaah beyerushalayim habenuyah, next year in a rebuilt Jerusalem.
-Suri