CHOCHMAS NASHIM: VAYECHI: MULLING MY FATHER’S UPCOMING YAHRTZEIT
By: Suri Davis
There are several interesting points in this week’s parshah which hit me from the get go, which I will share.
Genesis 47:28-9. This week’s portion starts with “And Jacob lived in Egypt”, and the next verse states, and the dying days of Israel were nearing. We knew from the past Parshahs that Jacob fought with an angel and G-d changed his name from Jacob to Israel, why did the Torah continue to call Jacob by this name, rather than his new name Yisrael. I see no commentary on this, let’s analyze.
Abraham’s name was Abrahm. Sarah’s name was Sarai. Yisrael’s name was Jacob. An analysis of the name changes seems to occur when the person goes from being a private person to a public persona. When G-d changed Abraham and Sarah’s name it was when they were about to have a child and become Patriarch and Matriarch of the Jewish nation. As Jacob is about to die, his children are about to be enslaved and be transformed from the twelve tribes into a nation, Jacob’s death was the catalyst, this then is when the verses switch from Jacob’s life to Israel’s pending death.
Continuing, Jacob asked Joseph to swear that at his death, he would be immediately buried with his parents in Israel. This is so because Jacob knew that Joseph had a different philosophy on burial in that Joseph remained in Egypt after his death pending the Jews Exodus from Egypt and 40 years in the desert. I wondered why Joseph did not demand that he be buried immediately in Israel, like his father. I saw no answer, so I will share my thoughts.
It is our custom when we go to Israel, which historically was considered unsafe travel, to give the traveler charity money to give away when he arrives in Israel. This is so because we learn from Talmud that those who are on their way to do a mitzvah will not be hurt or harmed, so this “ensures” safe travel. Perhaps Josephs staying in Egypt for the duration of Jewish slavery was meant to provide chizuk/support for those enslaved knowing that their ancestor is still with them in Egypt, and as long as they had the mandate of burying Joseph, there was hope that they would be redeemed so they could fulfill their promise to Joseph and perform the mitzvah of burying him in Israel.
Next, as Jacob asks Joseph to swear that he would follow through on his burial request, Jacob bowed to Joseph. Rashi comments “When the fox is at his time of greatness, bow down to him.” There are many commentaries who question Jacob bowing to his son, and the propriety of it. I want to focus on the fox itself. The fox is sly and relies greatly on its own wits and strength to succeed. The fox appears again in the commentary in Lamentations: Al zeh haya daveh libenu…al har tzion sheshamem shualim hilchu bo/of this my heart is heavy (the destruction of the holy temple) and of Mt. Zion which is in shambles, foxes overtake it.” No commentary questions why the fox, so I will take a stab. If one opens Perek Shira, which is a compilation of how all of G-d’s creations praise G-d, we see that the Fox praises G-d by stating “Woe the person who builds his home without justice…” The temple was destroyed because there was no justice, because people disrespected each other and their was baseless hatred.
Perhaps, Rashi mentions the fox because Jacob is afraid after his death that Joseph will act as the fox, seeking revenge against his brothers on his own without moral justification, instead of leaving them for G-d’s punishment. Additionally Genesis 48:6 The Lubavitcher Rebbe wrote that Jacob reiterated to Joseph, that his mother, Rachel, was buried on the way to Beth Lehem, which Jacob knew Joseph resented, and Jacob told Joseph that he buried Rachel on the byway road because G-d instructed him to do so, so Rachel could beg for mercy from G-d as her children passed her grave on their way to exile centuries later. Jacob relates this to Joseph so that Joseph doesn’t revenge Jacob for not burying his mother in Israel.
We are reminded as we read the Torah throughout the year the real tragedy of sin, and particularly Adam and Eve’s sin, which brought sin and evil and pain into the world transforming humanity. Every person, including tzadikim/the righteous, have to struggle with their humanity and human emotions. G-d reveals the struggles of the great as role models for us in our lives. Keep growing, but know we are not perfect. That the struggle is an inherent part of our growth and HKBH is in the unique position as our fathers to know which lessons we need to grow in life and dedication to Him.
This year, these last two years, have been a struggle for us all with the Covid pandemic. The first year for me there were no simchas due to the pandemic, and no sooner were restrictions relaxed, that my father was niftar. Many of you knew my father Ruby Davis, Harav Reuvain ben Chaim, for his gentle kindness and for carrying around his gemarah.
Until this year, I didn’t really understand the impact of being in aveilut for a parent. For every invite to a simcha that I had to turn down, the wounds of his loss were reopened. I wondered why G-d would have these laws which opened up wounds every time you had to say no, and as the end of this period nears, I understand the chesed as well.
Having to face this loss over and over and over again, forced me to deal with the loss, at least as best as I could. It also recognizes the depth of the loss of the parent and really how difficult it can be to be part of the simcha when the loss is so raw, so those around you understand that you might not be up to dancing it up, while also dealing with this loss.
It provides more time with family, more time to do mitzvoth in memory of the parent. As I prepare for my father’s yahrtzeit and unveiling next week, I will share with you one thought. We were never a big gift giving family, just didn’t mean a lot to us. In the year before my father’s death, he and my mother gave us three things, a soup tureen, a chol siddur and a Shabbos siddur and jewelry. This reflects my father’s legacy. The tureen represents hachnasat orchim/hosting guests or commandments between man and his fellow man. The siddurim represent commandments between man and G-d, and the jewelry represents respect for ourselves and our families.
Im not quite sure Im ready to whoop it up in the near future, but I am so grateful for my parents’ role modeling and legacy. Vayechi Harav Reuvain.
Shabbat shalom.
-Suri