CHOCHMAS NASHIM: MY NOISY SEDER
TABLE FOR ONE
By: Suri Davis
I have not been shy about telling people that my first seder this year would be a table for one. I tried to anticipate what that would mean and how that would feel, and who would speak with whom at the seder. So I will share with you who spoke to me and who I spoke with at my seder.
My wine goblet belonged to my bubby Esther, as did the wooden bowl and chopping knife used for my charoset. She and my zaidy Chaim Davis, were funny together, like Edith and Archie. The Fellers and the Davises would celebrate the seders together on Sage Street in Far Rockaway. The kids pretended we fell asleep on the floor, so we could sleep over bubby and zaidy’s house and wouldn’t have to walk home.
The reward the next morning was bubby’s chremzels, matzoh meal pancake dipped in sugar. Mmmm. In the old days, walnuts came whole in the shell. There was a v-shaped cracker, and a pointy tool to extract the walnut from the shell without crumbling it. The last seder we were together, I stole my zaidy’s afikomen. He asked what I want, and I told him a set of machzorim, he was pleased with the request, and a week later, I had leather bound machzorim.
They brought me to the Mah nishtana section. My grandparents were European. One year, I had learned the mah nishtanah in Chinese. After saying it at the seder, my zaidy looked at the table and asked, “was that English?” We burst out laughing.
Rabbi Akiva came forth. He never fails to inspire. The 40 year old shepherd, son of converts, who saw a drop of water make an impression in a hard stone. He reminds me that there is more to learn…slowly but surely. He joined others who were learning the Hagadah and the story of Exodus. Rabbi Yehoshua who was a Levi, Rabbi Elazar and Rabbi Tarfon were Kohanim. Lest one might ask if those who were not in Egypt as slaves should participate in the seder, this recitation of the names of those gathered, none of whom had ancestors who were slaves in Egypt, is the reply to that question. We as a nation were brought together by the steel refinery that was Egypt. It is also a testament to Rabbi Akiva who worked hard learning Torah and was able to rise to the level of the other illustrious rabbis at the table.
I had time, and I had silence, and a love of learning, which came together to bring to life each paragraph of the Hagadah through its commentary.
We, on Long Island, who had the warmest most beautiful winter, had a passing hail and snow storm on both first days of Passover, leaving no doubt as to Who is in charge. Sitting in our homes, as we have for weeks now, praying for our family, loved ones, friends, community and nation, we can understand what it must have been like for the Jews sitting in their homes as the plagues occurred around them.
I could write a book about my lone seder, but I want to discuss who and what spoke to me most. I have a bchor/eldest son, who needed a siyum on erev Pesach to avoid having to fast the entire day, to commemorate how the eldest Jewish sons were saved in Egypt. He asked me if I was finishing any Masechtot/Books of Talmud, and I told him that I could make a siyum for him on Chulin.
The end of Chuliln discusses a man named Acher, an apostate, who strayed from Judaism. The question raised is why he strayed from Judaism. I bought waffles and bagels and set up outside Wednesday morning when my son came, and all the kids woke early to have their last chametz before Pesach. My son and I had a lively conversation about the reward of longevity attached to the two commandments of Honoring mother and father and shooing a mother bird away when taking her eggs. I stopped and I said to my son, “let’s memorialize this moment. There has never been a moment in the last 20 years that we have been together for this siyum, and it may never happen again that you are not near a yeshiva or shul that does not have a siyum, let’s appreciate that this quarantine has given us this rare moment together to learn torah and have breakfast together erev Pesach like this.”
And all the children and I appreciated this gift of special time together before they grow and go their separate ways in life. Last week, I discussed how the four sons in the Hagaddah would likely affect me, of course, what touched me most were my own four special children, Yis, Es, Yo and Ez. They are getting big, and I have learned from my elder sisters and friends to grab hold of the moments when you can.
This is how my family melded together with my older generation family and our family in Egypt. The continuum so beautifully knit together. In every generation, there are those who want to destroy us, there are troublesome periods of time which challenge us and our unity and love of all mankind. In the quiet of the solo seder, I stepped back and all the characters in my life those physically present, those spiritually present, our forefathers and foremothers, and our common guest, Elijah the Prophet, sat together at my table, united.
Moadim l’simcha, Chagim uzmanim l’sasson.
-Suri