CHOCHMAS NASHIM: PINCHAS: THE U.S. WOMEN’S SOCCER TEAM
AND THE DAUGHTERS OF TZLAFCHAD
By: Suri Stern
In this week’s torah portion, the daughters of Tzlafchad approach Moshe and request that they inherit from their father, since their father had no son. The torah specifies that names of the daughters in the Parshah, and we know that this is not a passing note, but is meant to identify them and single them out in their efforts. Was it ego or personal gain? Numbers 27:4: “Why should our father’s name be missed out from his family because he had no son?” They wanted to mark their father’s name, to have it marked in history. This is a springboard for the Torah’s touch on the laws of inheritance.
Bava Basra 119a explicates the daughters’ point. Either we, the daughters, matter, or if we don’t matter, and cannot inherit, then our existence is profoundly useless/meaningless, and let our mother force my father’s brother to marry her in yibum. Rashi.
We see that our foremothers were proactive in promoting Jewish legacy. When Sarah told Abraham to send Hagar away, Abraham was reluctant. G-d was clear : “Listen to her [Sarah].” When Isaac was determined to bless Esau, his eldest, Rivka ensured that the Jacob received his rightful blessing for the Jewish legacy.
History goes only so far. We should learn the positive lessons, and work around those that are a noose to society. Historically, America has done well as a democracy, but would we want to say well historically, African Americans were slaves, women couldn’t vote and children were slave labor, let’s turn back the hands of time? I think not. Yet we are stuck still in subjugation and minimization.
The women on the U.S. Soccer team were paid $200,000 a piece for their victory. Had the men won, they would have been paid $1,000,000. It prompted Congress to look at male/female pay (dis)parity and act to pay the women more.
Women still have to chose between mommy track and partner track. It keeps women on mommy track in perpetuity, where they can never make what men make, even after years of working and proving themselves. Women are penalized for prioritizing family, as many Orthodox Jews were penalized for prioritizing Shabbos and Jewish holidays. The men didn’t settle for 1/7th less pay, even though that would have made sense, they told their employers to accommodate them.
The prohibitive cost of childcare prevents many capable women from entering the workplace to make a sustaining livelihood for themselves and their family.
Instead of recognizing women’s efforts in the home, in divorce, they are hit hard. A woman with a BA who stayed at home to raise her children will have an indiscriminate income imputed to her as if she had worked. This will reduce the amount of alimony and child support she receives. A haphazard guess at what a woman might make trying to break into the working world with children at home.
I was appalled recently by the slack I received when I helped friends who were in marital distress. They needed a little kindness/a lot of kindness and they needed guidance about how to open bank accounts, and credit cards, how to determine who owns their home, but most of all a shoulder.
I anticipated getting flack from their husbands. For years, these women would cower when their husbands were nasty to them, they would melt when their husbands took their wallets, closed down joint accounts and continuously threatened them with poverty and denial of a Jewish Get.
They come to me all hours of the day and night, I give them a glass of tea, some food but most importantly a shoulder.
I AM AGHAST, at their “friends” who call me to accuse me of pushing them into divorce, by providing them with a moment of peace and financial information to help them level the playing field. They scream at me for giving shelter to those who are quaking, stating that I MUST force them to stay at home or go back home because their husbands want to talk with them to resolve matters. I am not pushing divorce, I am promoting a more level playing field. Most of the time, the husbands have the money. In Orthodox Judaism, the woman will have difficult time hiring an attorney, the husband can drag out the divorce for years, and in the end, when he is supposed to pay her bills, he plays the GET card, “if you want a GET, you will forego the mandatory and mandated fees, AND YOU WILL PAY ME, so you can get your GET.”
#METOO and #METWO. We are still very much second tiered citizens in this area. When Abraham told the three angels who visited in Genesis that Sara is in the tent, it was a noble place to be. The Torah laws were meant for women to do their historical job of promoting the Jewish legacy, but their place in the home has been bastardized by the secular world and those who would capitalize on the Jewish laws to disgrace the Akeret Habayit/the woman of the home, who keeps the fire of Judaism alive in the home and community.
The daughters of Tzlafchad are a reminder that women play an essential role in the Jewish legacy, as the core transmitters of Torah to our young children and torah values, oy lanu/woe is us that we have allowed the secular world to disgrace our holy homes by transmitting negative values on the wives and mothers who are essential to Torah ethics and values.
Women soccer players are undervalued? They kick around a ball. The akeret habayit are undervalued? They hold the world in their hands. I see very little movement in balancing the imbalances and in properly honoring those who have 24/7/365 jobs keeping their homes. From the Rabbis on down, there is very little progress. Tzlafchad was a fortunate man.
Shabbat shalom.
-Suri