Chochmas Nashim: Vayishlach: My Name is Bond
By: Suri Davis
I recently read an article by Rabbi Shais Taub, Scholar in Residence at the Five Towns Chabad. He made a distinction between three words for communication, dibur is a command, amirah conveys information and sichah is a conversation. When I email to people, I try to remember their cultural norms. To a colleague in Israel, an email would be, “Idan, looking for a copy of the will.” In America, the email would be written, “Good morning Idan, I hope you are having a good day and that you enjoyed your Thanksgiving weekend. The client wants to know how to plan his estate and has requested that I get a copy of the will. At your earliest convenience, I would appreciate your forwarding the will to me if that works for you.”
In last Sunday’s New York Times magazine, there was a short blurb of an article entitled How to Get in Sync With Someone, and opens with the following words “Don’t talk…the verbal stuff gets in the way.”
Conjunctive movement can connect you to strangers and intimates alike. “Say you’re in a couple and you get in an argument,” Sebanz says. “Go for a silent walk together.” If you’re experiencing discord or discomfort with someone, or toward a category of people, and you aren’t able to walk with them in the flesh, close your eyes and visualize doing so in lock step (which Sebanz and her colleagues also found reduced prejudice).
How do we bond with society and our family and friends. When Jacob heard that Esau was coming to him with a group of 400 men, he sent messengers ahead with greetings of peace and gifts. When Jacob’s daughter Dena was taken by the Schem, her brothers came up with a scheme of bonding with Schem and his community. Let’s share a common religious experience by having Schem and those with him circumcise themselves, and they did. Common experience.
What does it mean to be a landsman with another, to share a common history and experience. Why is history so integral to education of a nation, both secular and Jewish nation. These our are roots, this is how we forged our community, ethics and government. We came to America to escape oppression and religious persecution, that is our blood, our core and our foundation, these can never be violated. Intolerance is intolerable.
We bond together in this pandemic, going through now the shortest days of the year. We hear the winds of Chanukkah in the air, and we anticipate with wonder what Chabad will create for us in Cedarhurst Park, the communal festivities, modified, but cannot be extinguished. Take a few minutes of your day during this pandemic and call those who are lonely, alone, unable to go out in the cold and darkness and touch them with wishes for a happy holiday season.
Making latkes? Buying donuts? Make and buy a few more and drop them off by a neighbor who is alone. Zoom menorah lighting with someone who doesn’t have another with whom to light up their homes and hearts. If you want to Zoom menorah lighting with me, email me at Thefivetowns@aol.com. We will celebrate with each other, give the gift of being together with each other, share the experience of bringing light into the world together. Take the small spark, like the small amount of olive oil found in the holy temple and make it last not only for the eight days of Chanukkah, but through our dark winter, into spring and beyond to Purim where we read the Megillah which proclaims Layehudim haytah orah v’simcha v’sasson v’yikor/The Jews had light and happiness and joy, may we create it together now and into the future with the coming of Moshiach speedily in our time.