Here’s the big G question! — Which is more difficult, finding the Guy or the Gown? Now for some that might sound like a ridiculous question. Yet, not to sound like I categorize people, but those people who think it’s a ridiculous question are usually the ones who only have to decide which tie to wear!
You see, it’s kind of like this, one envisions these 2, guy and gown, for a good part of their lives. How they’ll look with it, which of the many choices will bring out the best in her, and which of the hundreds of each will make her happiest. Even though, one she gets to discard after the first night -that still doesn’t seem to make it easier to choose quickly.
Looking for the guy to spend the rest of your life with is no easy task. And looking for the gown to spend the night with seems to be almost as difficult!
There are so many pieces that go in to it …
First, is that the he has to meet your lethal list, which often is probably too long or complicated to actually explain clearly. It somehow seems derived from everything you love, and don’t actually love, about your father or brothers. Whether it exists on paper or merely somewhere in the annals of your mind, it is often a compendium of what you think you want or sense you need. Then there’s always that one person who seems to have it all, but alas you’re just not drawn to him! Though, every Mom seems to love him and you agree you would be crazy about him too if you were a Mom! Can you plug in the gown considerations to almost everything I’ve just said?
Then there are the months, even years, of dating till somehow, something makes you decide this is the one that I’ll take the plunge with. There is no true science to it, the decision just evolves. So how is that so different from choosing the gown? Maybe the time is shortened but the same struggles ensue… I’m just not feeling it. I’ll know when it’s right. Something will wash over me and I’ll sense it’s the one. This one’s too short. Too wide. Doesn’t do enough for me!!! Makes me feel dumpy! Too detailed! Not detailed enough! Isn’t bright enough! Doesn’t make me feel bright enough. Too plain! Could I be describing a guy or a gown?
So, which would you say is more difficult? At least the guy picks you up, at your house, you don’t have to schlep to Brooklyn, Manhattan, or Manhasset to find him. And -At least the guy makes an effort to please you, he doesn’t just sit there like a bump on a log. And -At least with the guy you have some time to think on your own, you don’t have a sales person hovering around the whole time asking if this is the one!
Maybe, finding and choosing the right wedding gown is just as anxiety provoking as finding the right guy. Perhaps it’s even more so, because you have a stricter time limit. But….here comes the big But! But -The gown you get to fix, change, cut things out of that you don’t like, and add things in to that you do, and all quite quickly. It’s easily pliable and never gets offended. No one is saying to you that “it’s true it might change over time but, don’t choose it believing it will change.”! In other words, Love it as it is!
With that in mind perhaps we may surmise that choosing the right gown, though difficult, has some built in advantages. Especially that it will never care if you never look at it again after the first night.
The choices may both have lots of valid considerations that go in to them. Both matter. You want to shine with both and have both bring out your best. They both have been dreamt of for a lifetime. Even though only one sticks around for a lifetime. Now, that I think of it, the wedding tie may even get used a lot more than that gown, so fellas I hope you are giving the right amount of thought to choosing it!
Most importantly remember what other G’s also matter in life. Be Giving, faGining- (allow without resentment), forGiving, Grateful, and Gracious! And don’t reGret your decisions once made. Give yourself some credit. You made the choice there must be some Good in it and try to stay focused on what you liked about your choice to beGin with!!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com<mailto:rivki@rosenwalds.com