HAVE WE BEEN HOODWINKED?!
Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., LMFT, CLC, SDS
I made it out of the “hood”.
This Expression is usually used to communicate that- one has escaped a less desirable place or situation and entered a nicer one.
Can we all somehow relate to that?
Let me put it this way. We go through childhood, neighbor-hood and parent-hood, and with each change, we often believe, we have arrived at the better situation.
More control and more or better friends are usually the underlying motivators at each stage.
But let’s look at what really happens.
You’re a little kid you think mommy and daddy, my older siblings, and everyone around me, are bossing me around. So you always want to grow up so that you can be the one in the power position.
Now…
Let’s start from the very beginning. You are born. You cry -you’re fed. You cry -you’re burped. You cry -you’re changed. All your needs are met or else you continue to -cry. Who exactly is running the show?
You are!
But -In actuality, you get no pleasure out of this because you are unaware of it.
Then… you get a little bit older.
You are given some rules. You don’t like those rules. You don’t always listen to those rules. It starts to feel like you don’t have control. But the reality is that your parents are starting to realize you have all the control! And they are merely trying to harness it.
Parents have a house to keep clean – A job to hold down-And a shopping list to get done. They also have bills to pay, places to go, people to see, and many other obligations.
You, on the other hand, are a free agent.
You have all the time in the world and nowhere you need to be.
But maybe you don’t realize just yet how powerful you are. Parents look bigger and stronger. So, you comply- sometimes!
Then you hit adolescence…. You’re starting to see that you are as big, as tall and as developed as your parents. Why bother to listen now? And pretty much you don’t!
Unless sometimes you feel like it and then you kindly do. You are starting to creep out of childhood, still….
Finally, you are sensing your power.
But there is pushback from the grownups around you and therefore, that sparks your desire to grow up even more.
Therefore, you long to get into the parent’s position. Where you totally think things will be nicer!
This is where you wind up back in the hood that too want to escape! Parenthood. And even though you thought you finally made it out, you’ve got a rude awakening coming.
Because, with parenthood comes the unrealized power of the kids. An absolute tour de force we never saw coming. New parents think they are in the ultimate control position until they become parents. Here is where one discovers, slowly but surely, who holds the real reigns.
There is that one shocking moment, when an adult with children realizes that , as much as they might yell, as old as they may be, and as many rules as they may make- they are certainly not in charge.
The epiphany is that with parenthood we certainly aren’t escaping out of the hood, but rather into a more complicated one.
Sometimes people resort to a new neighborhood to feel they can take charge of their luck. With new friends, new environment, or new digs, one begins to believe they’ve lost control of their lives.
But of course, as we all know change comes with challenges; adjustments can be difficult, and neighbors can disappoint.
So, what’s the bottom line?
In life, escaping one hood does not always land us in a nicer one.
When we’re in the best hood, childhood, we don’t even know it.
When we think we’ve gotten to the nicer place /parenthood or neighborhood, the challenges surprise us and we find out just how mistaken we were to begin with.
So true escape comes with understanding the challenges of each situation. Then growing from being in them and simultaneously focusing on the positives in them. That’s ultimately how we get out of a less desirable situation and into a nicer one.
Rivki Rosenwald is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working with both couples and individuals.
She is a Certified Relationship Counselor. She is a Co-Founder & Creator of an effective Parent Management of Adolescent Years Program. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivkirosenwald@gmail.com
