The bitter sweet joy of a wedding.
Some may say, for the parents making the wedding it’s a bittersweet event-having a child move out, verses gaining another child.
I say there are much more immediate pulling forces at play. Admittedly, they are more superficial forces, but, many are bittersweet for the person making the simcha, as well as the guests that attend.
For example – as the wedding day approaches there is the anticipation of a meaningful , fun, party. But it is daunted by the need to make “THE overwhelming seating plan”! I would say this is the moment of greatest tension. Try and seat approximately 500 friends and strangers next to one another in such a way that they will enjoy the table that they are at and feel they are in correct proximity to the dance floor yet placed enough distance from the band. Also do it as close to the actual wedding, trying not to count one extra person, yet, making sure not to leave out one person who is actually coming either! And then -do it all while the caterer is calling every 20 seconds to say “I need your count or the room won’t be ready on time for your affair “!!!!!
Another pulling force at work is wanting the most laibadik music playing for the dancing, but, still wanting to hear anyone talking to you or preserve your hearing at all.
Here’s a perpetual challenge: wanting to try to taste every single item at the smorgasbord, verses having only the ten minutes you arrived in, before the ceremony, to do it in!
And -Do any of these speak to you?:
– Wanting to see the procession perfectly, versus the reality of too few aisle seats!
– Understanding these moments need to be preserved verses tripping over ladders, over and over again, on the dance floor!
– Wanting to capture every moment on a video but never really having the time to watch it …
– And what about trying to pick out the pictures for the albums?……If he looks good, her eyes are closed, if the baby niece is smiling the brides not looking……
– And these days you have like 9 million pictures to sort through to make the album …! The greatest thing you can do is make sure the photographer helps you choose the pictures for the album or you will still be picking out those shots as you hire someone to film your bris!
Is there a way to have all the great things without the quirky things that come along? Maybe:
- Come early,
- Hold your ears,
- Don’t talk to anyone,
- Stand during the ceremony (the heck with the people behind you), eat fast, have a 2000-page album, let everyone fend for their own seats, etc.!
Or better yet … It’s matter of approaching the wedding day with the right GAL! In other words, Gratitude, Attitude, Latitude. When you realize it’s all pretty ok …. Then – It’s amazing to arrive at -this day, this affair, this moment! And that it’s wonderful to see your child, friend, or friend’s child, finding their right mate!
So, maybe you don’t have to eat everything in the room, or have the perfect seat, or HEAR any better than you do in a subway…etc. You have to just enjoy and focus on all the sweet that’s involved. And the bitter will fade into the background and in fact be drowned out by the robust music, the yummy food, and the elation in the room!
Remember, the word is Groom not Gloom!
Bride not Cried!
Wedding not fretting!
Happy not sappy!
Yes, the sweet can be Sooo sweet. And the bitter, like bittersweet chocolate, when used the right way, can make a great chocolate soufflé.
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com<mailto:rivki@rosenwalds.com