Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., CLC, SDS
They say “kids say the wildest things”, or “out of the mouth of babes”! Because they often say and express, out loud, what we only think!
It’s both embarrassing and refreshing!
They might say out loud “Why is she wearing that dress? It’s so ugly!”
My sister once said that her daughter wrote her from camp – ‘please stop writing all these details about how you are keeping busy at home. It is so boring’! My sister exclaimed “she thinks she has it bad, she only has to read it – I’m living that life!
Kids say things like, “Mr., why don’t you have any hair?” As if some poor schnook sat and ripped out all the hair on his head! Well, thankfully these days it’s cool to be bald!
They ask things like “Why does she get to drive I want to drive?” Never mind that, she’s old enough to have a license and they can’t even see over the staring wheel.
They say things like, “Why does your skin jiggle or what are those blue lines on your legs”? Excuse us, why are they looking anyway, are they premed or something? We don’t ask them “Why are you so small”? In fact we reassure them, they’ll be big and strong!
They ask “Are we there yet”, 2 minutes after we get into a car. They know we are not just driving around the corner! Well truthfully we are probably thinking that same thing too! It seems we can’t check Waze fast enough!
They say “I hate you” when we upset them. We say “I love you, but “, when they upset us! Which seems the more natural reaction?!
They say it like it is! Then we teach them to say it like they should!
Both have a reality to them. There’s purity in expressing with honesty. But, there’s insensitivity to it, too. It is said that “honesty is the best policy”! However, there are qualifiers!
Not out loud, except if it’s nice.
Not spontaneously, unless it’s nice.
Not uncensored, unless it’s nice.
Because honesty alone is not the goal. Rather, honesty, expressed with thought.
Not every honest thought we have needs to be shared. There may also be more ways to get across the same thing.
“Think before you speak”! Now that’s great advice. Except that is not how a kid’s mind operates. So kids will continue to amaze and entertain us, with their innocent and insulting queries, unless of course we muzzle them.
Maybe that’s why they say “kids should be seen and not heard”. I actually love hearing them because ultimately they are kids and that gives them certain inalienable rights.
But now what about us? I think we need to remember that when we speak we no longer have ‘kid dispensation’. We need to monitor what we say and how we say it! Because even though we are just kids stretched out a bit, we are the ones who have earned the licenses, the jiggly skin and the bald heads. And along the way we did not love people being blunt or thoughtless with us.
So when we communicate let’s take that extra second to think does this need to be heard. And if so is there a better way to say it? Because guess what – “adults say the wildest things “-too!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 orrivki@rosenwalds.com<mailto:rivki@rosenwalds.com